Divorce is sadly at an all-time high and it can sometimes be easier to find a man or woman who’s been divorced or separated from their spouse than to find couples who have been happily married for 20-something years. Just like every regular relationship has issues, the same applies to marriages.
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No marriage is completely perfect. In fact, you’re bound to find obstacles along the way—hence why they say “in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” But unlike a relationship, you are more likely to want to truly make the marriage work staying committed to your vows.
I wish I could say there is a clear-cut way to save a marriage that is at risk of falling apart but unfortunately there isn’t however any successful marriage takes hard work from both sides to fix. Perhaps some of these questions on the checklist will give you a clear path on how to solve any issues you may have.
How deep do the issues lie?
There are a number of things that could result in the dissolution of a marriage. There could be infidelities, financial strains, a severe health condition or death in the family. These are all things that can change people who are in a marriage.
Before acknowledging the issues that make you unhappy in the marriage, you have to recognize what is keeping you in it. Do you have kids together? Are you planning to have kids in the future? How well has your spouse been supportive of you throughout your marriage?
These are the types of questions you both need to ask of yourselves. In the case of possible divorce, you need to seek the help of a professional outsider. This is someone who will have an unbiased opinion and can clearly assess the issues you two have.
Once you understand what those issues are, you need to sit down and ask yourself if these are things you can forgive or change. It’s so easy to get caught up in our hurt and anger that we put up walls and our egos are at a sky-high level.
Instead of putting our guards up, there needs to be open and honest communication happening. You both need to come to a consensus as to whether or not you want to move on together or apart.
Once you decide to become united in fixing the problematic issues, only then can professional help be of the greatest use to you.
Who are you outside of this marriage and who do you want to be?
Sometimes what you originally thought you wanted in a marriage ends up changing. This is because the person you were when you first got married has changed. Like Tyler Perry, the famous actor, screenwriter and producer, said: We are built to evolve.
With that in mind, both of you must change and grow. You shouldn’t wait until you have problems in your marriage to find help to stay on track. You should continue trying to find more about yourself inside and outside of the marriage. You should never let your spouse define who you are and what type of success you’ll have.
Your partner should accept the goals you want for yourself and be willing to help you reach them. And vice versa. You must support each other to reach for the stars. Encourage each other to be better people.
Are you willing to change?
If you keep doing the same thing and expect the same result, that’s the definition of insanity. So any type of solution involves some type of change. When it comes to solving any problem that could be affecting your marriage, you have to ask yourself if you are willing (and ready) to change.
It takes true character to take responsibility for your actions and admit your faults. We are all human so no one is perfect. Recognizing how your actions affect the problems at hand can bring you one step closer to the solution.
It is not easy to adjust to change. As much as we like to say that we welcome changes in our lives, this is not always the case. Sometimes we are scared of the unknown. But a big part of marriage is compromise. This means that change should occur for both of you individually in order for the marriage to work altogether.
Marriage is meant to be sacred and ever-lasting. Just because it’s easier to get a divorce doesn’t mean that’s the best policy. A successful marriage takes real hard work and commitment from both of you. But when you remain dedicated and positive to its success, you will reap so many fulfilling rewards.